the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize