I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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