the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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