I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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