I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We have started to decorate penises.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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