his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
