so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
