whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
