if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
