Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
