I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
