hell yes lets make some ravioli
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
