she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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