It's Friday. Sex?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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