I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
