she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
