Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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