Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
