can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
