Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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