since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
