Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
