i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
