I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
