Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Randomize
