i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
