Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
