hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
