Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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