hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize