This girl is more easily done than said...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
