He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
