There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
how drunk are you?
Several
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
