Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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