maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
