I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
