she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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