I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
