I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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