The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
