Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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