i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
