We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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