it was like his penis was on wheels.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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