I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
