Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
