How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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