I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize