She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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