What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
