remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Even my vagina gasped.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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