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New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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