Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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