i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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