My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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