Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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