then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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