so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
