It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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