sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
