does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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