I just saw a hot homeless man
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
