batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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