take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
