Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
