So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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