He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
