my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
