If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
